Remember when I promised I'd tell you about the TV?

Well, I'm telling you now!

Our old TV had been broken for awhile, but we just got used to the fact that there was a squiggle at the top of the screen...AND the fact that everyone's heads looked huge. In fact, we didn't even notice it, & wouldn't remember until we had people over who would comment on it! Anyway, the in-laws donated a television of theirs (because they were getting a monster flat screen, & we're too cheap to buy a new TV). We picked it up when we met the in-laws at their mountain house for the MLK Jr. Holiday weekend, & C & father-in-law moaned & groaned & creaked as they loaded the monstrosity into the back of C's truck.

On the way home, we discussed the possibilities for getting the television OUT of the truck and INTO the entertainment center in our home. We got home, & I was all, "Oh, I got it, I got it. I can totally carry it with you."

We opened the back of the truck & slid it to the edge. C said he wasn't going to carry it with me till I showed him I could pick up half, so I showed him (after we switched sides so I could get my "strong" arm appropriately placed!)

Then....then.....We were off! Heading the 10 feet up the walkway to the front door, I think I said, "Hang on!" or "It's slipping!" or "Lean it against the doorway!" or "GO FASTER!" Reasonable minds (a.k.a. mine & C's) can differ on what words were actually exchanged. You like how I gloss over this point? Yeah, basically, it doesn't matter what was said (as in, it doesn't matter NOW. You can bet it mattered A LOT that night). What really matters is that in short order I DROPPED my side of the television, which caused C to DROP the rest of the television, & caused the television to end up screen-side down in the doorway!

Guess where else it landed? Do you have a guess yet?

Here's a hint:


Final hint: not mine.

SO, yeah - that happened. Then C freaked his freak. As in, he freaked the eff out. As in, I've never seen someone freak the way he freaked.

He was in so much pain, & the TV was still half in the door, & half outside (& oh yeah, it was raining). C was saying screaming, "AUGHGH! MY TOE! IT'S BROKEN! WE HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL! AUGHTHHGHGHG!"

I was more like, "Ohhhhh - sorry! Let's get real though - we can't even close the front door right now," and "we should at least get the TV inside right now." I may also have said things to the effect of, "What is the ER going to do for a broken toe? Re-set it & give you a toe cast for all your friends to sign?" And there might've been a little mention of the $50 ER co-pay.

After a little negotiation, we agreed to slide the TV all the way inside & THEN we could head to the ER. Sooooo - we did! And, by the way, the TV screen was not busted at all.

On the way to the ER, I was saying, "Just say the word, & we'll turn around to ice & elevate your toe at home. There's nothing they can really do for a broken toe." And C was SCREAMING in pain. Also, I am NOT good in stressful situations. I often deal with traumatic situations by LAUGHING - like a jerk. But, I was saying & laughing, "I know, I know - this is not funny. (hahahaha) I'm not trying to laugh (hahahhaha). I can't help it. I'm not laughing because I think this is funny (hahahaha)."

Now, I hesitate to tell you what C said to me, because I don't want you to think this is normal behavior on C's part, but he may or may not have replied with something along the lines of, "I hope your head gets chopped off, so I can laugh at that! HA - HA - HA!" and "You know what I wanna do right now?! I wanna take my freakin' toe & stick it in your freakin' face!" (but, without the "freakin'" if you know what I mean). Of course, this only made me laugh HARDER, because really? You hope my HEAD gets CHOPPED off?!?! Seriously? You want to put your TOE in my FACE while I'm DRIVING?!?!

When we got to the ER, the intake person asked C if he wanted a Vicodin for the pain. C hemmed & hawed, & I asked, "Will it make him chill out?" Once I heard a "yes," I said, "Then, YES, he needs a Vicodin!"

Turns out - C had a subungal hematoma that needed to be treated. "What's a subungal hematoma?" you ask. Well, it's a collection of blood in the space between the nailbed and nail which results from a direct injury to the nail. According to the internets, "The pressure generated by this collection of blood under the nail causes intense pain." You don't say!

I won't tell you all about the treatment - cauterizing the nail (getting a tool really hot to burn through the nail & drain out the blood to relieve the pressure - guess I told you!), but needless to say, it was an adventure.

Of course, I had to tell my co-workers (& anyone else who would listen to me for that matter) all about it the next day. One of my coworkers said that happened to her dad one time, & he freaked the freak out at her mom (totally out of character, according to my coworker), & even passed out UNCONSCIOUS (twice!) from the pain before my coworker & her mom had to call the EMT's!

Apparently (obvi), it WAS a big deal.

And apparently (obvi) I was a big jerk.

But, we (I) got over it pretty quickly, & now we have a funny story to tell. Of course, my favorite part of the story is when C said, "I hope your head gets chopped off!"

Because that? Is pretty freakin' funny.


P.S. Have I mentioned how much I love Google images? When I google imaged "toe," this came up: (no comment)